Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
