Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
