You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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