Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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