remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
