I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
