I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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