it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
