so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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