If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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