omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
