I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
