Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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