what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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