I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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