Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
