I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
