It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's never too late to be topless.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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