I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
