I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
