I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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