Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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