I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
