Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
