i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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