are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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