i permit you to call me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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