i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
