marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
