bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
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We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
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Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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