It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
