I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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