Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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