My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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