i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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