I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dear god my vagina.
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