i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
