she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
