when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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