i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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