just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
