you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
