Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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