she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
