i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
