none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
