Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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