Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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