in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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