I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
