Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
