You can't motorboat a personality
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
