It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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