The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
