Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
