she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Oh god it's open bar.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
