I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
