just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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