I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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