I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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