I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
