my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just want nice things and good sex
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
