What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
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Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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