At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
