Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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